LAURA CORRAL / The Bull
Dating is a major part of life. Sometimes we find ourselves on amazing dates we wish would never end, with people that we hope to see again. But a record of amazing dates wouldn’t be complete without the infamous bad date. We’ve all had them. I once went out with a guy who was, what I would assume to be the most narcissistic guy on planet
Earth. All the guy did was talk about himself and at one point, while eating his steak dinner, he leaned over and asked me if he could borrow my makeup compact. I reluctantly reached into my purse, retrieved my compact mirror and handed it to him. He then proceeded to look into the mirror and fix his hair. Give me a break. I should have made my great escape right then and there, but at the time, I couldn‘t think of how to get away. So imagine you’re on a date, you haven’t even ordered the appetizer yet and already you‘d rather stab yourself in the eye with your fork than be in the same room with them any longer, what do you do? Well the answer is simple – you either bite your tongue and get through the date or you bail. We all need a little help sometimes, so I’ve compiled a list of effective (and some silly) ways to ditch your date. And since no date is alike, I’ve categorized these excuses to match your date’s level of badness.
The Bad Date – Okay so this person isn’t too bad, but you’re still not feeling it. Here’s what you do:
1. The old “there’s an emergency” shtick-sure this one is pretty common but it usually works. If you don’t think you’re a believable liar, excuse yourself from your date, call a friend and have them call you later on with your excuse. How can your date challenge that?
2. Fake an illness – Simply tell your date you aren’t feeling well. If you want to be really convincing, excuse yourself to the restroom and don’t come back for a while. When you return, tell your date you think you ate something bad or have the flu. I doubt your date will want the gruesome details.
3. Tell your date that you’d hate to cut the evening short, but you forgot that you have to be up early the next morning.
The Unbearable Date – Your date is definitely getting on your last nerve and you can’t take it anymore. Try one of these:
1. Start talking about your most recent ex…and don’t stop talking about them. Mention how your ex is an extremely jealous person, has anger management issues and how furious that person would be if they saw you on a date with someone new. At some point, look around and say, “Hey, I think my ex is here.”
2. If your date still doesn’t get the hint. Gross them out. Talk about, in vivid details, what happened to you that time you got food poisoning or tell them the graphic details of a colonoscopy and how your grandpa just got one.
3. If you’re at a restaurant, hit on the waiter/waitress, bartender or the person at the next table.
The Worst Date – You’ve had about as much of this person as you can stand. You need to escape, fast! These should do the trick:
1. Excuse yourself to the restroom…and don’t return.
2. Say you have to make a phone call. Assuming you are in a restaurant, once you’re out of your date’s line of sight, find your waiter/waitress and tell them that your date would like to buy everyone in the restaurant a round of drinks. Then skip out of the restaurant.
3. Tell your date that you have to leave because you’re late for the second date you have
planned for the evening. This will ensure your date won’t call you again – ever.
If none of these excuses work, there is one that will. Just be honest with your date. If you’re really uncomfortable, not feeling a connection and just want to go home, tell them.
The whole point of dating is to find someone you are compatible with and as the old saying goes, “sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.”
Photo-illustration (ANIBAL ORTIZ / The Bull)
