Random photos and Afrocentric art plaster the alabaster walls gave the petite home an aura of a close-knit family. While the television played the infamous show “Out of the Box,” a few scattered toys rested on the Maplewood floor and awaited attention. A furry chestnut and ebony Yorkshire terrier barked from the top of the narrow staircase, it sensed a stranger in its territory. Glancing at her son adoringly, Shaniece Dinkins watched Kayson, 3, try his best to play with his toys while he watched his favorite show at the same time.
“Kayson, come and be a big boy and say hello, ” Dinkins said.
The boy sheepishly grinned and waved his hand frantically before returning his attention back to the show. It is evident that Dinkins has principles and expectations for her son.
“I go back and forth between disciplining, depending on what he does. If it’s a teaching moment then I’ll teach him, but if he is off the chain, yes, he’s getting his butt whooped—no belts or anything, just straight open hand,” Dinkins said.
One of those parents who discipline their children, Dinkins, an assistant supervisor at an adolescent probation facility for boys ages 13-18, has witnessed first hand the outcome of lack of parenting.
“I see a lot of this. If some of them had a little more structure and discipline, none of this would be happening,” Dinkins said. “Some of the parents are looking more to be their friend as opposed to being their parent,” Dinkins said.
Parents of various cultures disciplined their children differently, but it becomes taboo when the act is performed in public.
“I discipline in private. While in public, I’ll take him to the bathroom to discipline him. I’m scared to discipline him in public. Someone can take it the wrong way and I don’t want to deal with that,” Dinkins said.
California State University, Northridge, Department of Child and Adolescent Development assistant professor Nancy Miodrag gave her views on child discipline.
“Tell children what you want them to do instead of always telling them what you don’t want.” Miodrag said. “You have to learn how to teach in every moment. I always say that there is a consequence for every action.”
When Kayson became restless and turn his attention back to his toys, Dinkins looked at him, concerned.
“Honestly I’m scared for when he becomes around 15. I want him to stay on the right track. Discipline is so crucial in a child’s life,” Dinkins said.
Michelle Eastman, a human development major at California State University, Long Beach, said, “One study found that spanking as a controlled form of punishment, open hand, on the bottom was beneficial to the child, as long as it wasn’t done out of frustration and anger from parents. That is when it does damage.”
According to an article produced by The Daily Mail website, “The study, by Marjorie Gunnoe, Professor of Psychology at Calvin College … found there was not enough evidence to prove that smacking harmed children.”
The study also explained that “children who were smacked before the age of 6 performed better at school when they were teenagers.”
Parents often shaped their way of discipline from personal experience.
“I was a product of belts, but I use only open hand on Kayson. You don’t hit a child for everything. My mom taught me that,” Dinkins said.
Miodrag suggested different methods instead of spanking.
“I think spanking can have a short term and a long term effects. It may be an easy way for parents but perpetuates violent behavior. Age is important; talking to a child at an appropriate age level is crucial. It’s very monkey see, monkey do. Parents should model the appropriate behavior and find a positive way to communicate with their child,” she said.
“Don’t just hit your kids for no reason.Teach in every moment; it’s really about teaching them,” Dinkins added.
Kayson abruptly came over to his mother and they shared an intimate moment. She sat the boy on her lap, and he then gazed into space, visibly sleepy.
Dinkins suddenly mentioned a trip to ride the train in the mall, and Kayson then regained all energy and jumped off of her lap and landed on the floor in jubilee.
“If you’re there for your kid, and you discipline your kid, hopefully they will turn out better. Is society going to wave its ugly hand on them? Yes, but they should have your guidance along the way,” Dinkins said.
While spanking is condoned in the United States, according to The Daily Mail it is banned in 20 European countries, such as Germany, the Netherlands and Spain.
The Daily Mail also noted, “Professor Gunnoe questioned 2,600 people about being smacked with a quarter being chastised.”
The article reported that in certain predicaments it is necessary to spank children, only in certain cases and not every case.
“I got the name ‘Momma S’ at the probation facility because I care. I have a really big heart. But with my son I know I am facing a lot of taboos, a lot more stigma, and many statistics. It’s a lot more pressure. Working with the boys at work teaches me I need to really play an important role in his life. What values to put in his life is key,” Dinkins said.
With a big smile, Kayson came to his mother and observed the conversation.
A look of adoration came to Dinkins’ face as she looked at her son.
Discipline is evident in their relationship, but so is unconditional love between mother and son.